Din sala de judecată
* Lawyer: “Was that the same nose you broke as a child?”
* Witness: “I only have one, you know.”
* Lawyer: “Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?”
* Witness: “By death.”
* Lawyer: “And by whose death was it terminated?”
* Accused, Defending His Own Case: “Did you get a good look at my face when I took your purse?”
The defendant was found guilty and sentenced to ten years in jail.
* Lawyer: “Can you tell us what was stolen from your house?”
* Witness: “There was a rifle that belonged to my father that was stolen from the hall closet.”
* Lawyer: “Can you identify the rifle?”
* Witness: “Yes. There was something written on the side of it.”
* Lawyer: “And what did the writing say?”
* Witness: “‘Winchester’!”
* Lawyer: “What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?”
* Witness: “Gucci sweats and Reeboks.”
* Lawyer: “Can you describe what the person who attacked you looked like?”
* Witness: “No. He was wearing a mask.”
* Lawyer: “What was he wearing under the mask?”
* Witness: “Er…his face.”
* Lawyer: “How old is your son, the one living with you?”
* Witness: “Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.”
* Lawyer: “How long has he lived with you?”
* Witness: “Forty-five years.”
* Lawyer: “What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?”
* Witness: “He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?'”
* Lawyer: “And why did that upset you?”
* Witness: “My name is Susan.”
* Lawyer: “Did you blow your horn or anything?”
* Witness: “After the accident?”
* Lawyer: “Before the accident.”
* Witness: “Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.”
* Lawyer: “Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?”
* Witness: “No.”
* Lawyer: “Did you check for blood pressure?”
* Witness: “No.”
* Lawyer: “Did you check for breathing?”
* Witness: “No.”
* Lawyer: “So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?”
* Witness: “No.”
* Lawyer: “How can you be so sure, Doctor?”
* Witness: “Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.”
* Lawyer: “But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?”
* Witness: “Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.”
* Lawyer: “How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?”
* Lawyer: “What happened then?”
* Witness: “He told me, he says, ‘I have to kill you because you can identify me.'”
* Lawyer: “Did he kill you?”
* Witness: “No.”
* Lawyer: “Now sir, I’m sure you are an intelligent and honest man–”
* Witness: “Thank you. If I weren’t under oath, I’d return the compliment.”
* Lawyer: “You were there until the time you left, is that true?”
* Lawyer: “The youngest son, the 20 year old, how old is he?”
* Witness: “He was about medium height and had a beard.”
* Lawyer: “Was this a male or a female?”
* Lawyer: “Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn’t you?”
* Witness: “I went to Europe, sir.”
* Lawyer: “And you took your new wife?”
* Lawyer: “I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture.”
* Witness: “That’s me.”
* Lawyer: “Were you present when that picture was taken?”
* Lawyer: “Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?”
* Lawyer: “Do you know how far pregnant you are now?”
* Witness: “I’ll be three months on November 8.”
* Lawyer: “Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?”
* Witness: “Yes.”
* Lawyer: “What were you doing at that time?”
* Lawyer: “How many times have you committed suicide?”
* Witness: “Four times.”
* Lawyer: “Do you have any children or anything of that kind?”
* Lawyer: “She had three children, right?”
* Witness: “Yes.”
* Lawyer: “How many were boys?”
* Witness: “None.”
* Lawyer: “Were there girls?”
* Lawyer: “You don’t know what it was, and you didn’t know what it looked like, but can you describe it?”
* Lawyer: “You say that the stairs went down to the basement?”
* Witness: “Yes.”
* Lawyer: “And these stairs, did they go up also?”
* Lawyer: “Have you lived in this town all your life?”
* Witness: “Not yet.”
* Lawyer: “Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?”
* Witness: “I refuse to answer that question.
* Lawyer: “Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?”
* Witness: “I refuse to answer that question.
* Lawyer: “Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?”
* Witness: “No.”
* Lawyer: “Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?”
* Witness: “No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region.”
* Lawyer: “What is your marital status?”
* Witness: “Fair.”
* Lawyer: “Are you married?”
* Witness: “No, I’m divorced.”
* Lawyer: “And what did your husband do before you divorced him?”
* Witness: “A lot of things I didn’t know about.”
* Lawyer: “How did you happen to go to Dr. Cherney?”
* Witness: “Well, a gal down the road had had several of her children by Dr. Cherney and said he was really good.”
* Lawyer: “Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?”
* Witness: “All my autopsies have been performed on dead people.”
* Lawyer: “Were you acquainted with the deceased?”
* Witness: “Yes sir.”
* Lawyer: “Before or after he died?”
* Lawyer: “Mrs. Jones, is your appearance this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?”
* Witness: “No. This is how I dress when I go to work.”
* The Court: “Now, as we begin, I must ask you to banish all present information and prejudice from your minds, if you have any.”
* Lawyer: “Did he pick the dog up by the ears?”
* Witness: “No.”
* Lawyer: “What was he doing with the dog’s ears?”
* Witness: “Picking them up in the air.”
* Lawyer: “Where was the dog at this time?”
* Witness: “Attached to the ears.”
* Lawyer: “When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?”
* Other Lawyer: “Objection. That question should be taken out and shot.”
* Lawyer: “And lastly, Gary, all your responses must be oral. Ok? What school do you go to?”
* Witness: “Oral.”
* Lawyer: “How old are you?”
* Witness: “Oral.”
* Lawyer: “What is your relationship with the plaintiff?”
* Witness: “She is my daughter.”
* Lawyer: “Was she your daughter on February 13, 1979?”
Things People Said: Courtroom Quotations – StumbleUpon.