DMax – Distracţie maximă

1. Daca scoateti bani la ghiseul bancii la rubrica «scopul folosirii
banilor» scrieti «pentru marijuana».

2. Daca sunteti la restaurant si vreti sa comandati ceva, cereti «apa
plata dietetica».

3. Sunati-va prietenii cu cinci zile înainte sa mergeti la o petrecere si
spuneti-le ca nu veti putea fi prezent din cauza unei dureri de cap.

4. Cînd scoateti bani de la ATM, apucati-va de strigat din toti rarunchii
«Am castigat! Am castigat!»

5. Daca va aflati într-o gradina zoologica, luati-o brusc la fuga catre
parcare strigand îngrozit «Salvati-va! Au scapat toate animalele!»

6. Daca aveti copii, la masa de seara spuneti-le ca din cauza recesiunii va
trebui sa renuntati la ei!

7. La farmacie, cumparati o cutie de prezervative si dupa aia întrebati
farmacistul unde este cabina de proba!

Lista anti-depresie a lui Stash

Un politist la o agentie CEC:
- Am o suma depusa… Pot s-o scot?
- Desigur, ii raspunde functionara de ghiseu.
Dupa inmanarea banior si dupa ce politistul a numarat banii, acesta intreba:
- Acum pot sa-i depun inapoi?
- !??
- Am vrut doar sa vad daca sunt toti.

An Irish daughter of 21 years old had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her
return her father cussed her.
‘Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line?
Why didn’t ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother thru?’
The girl, crying, replied, ‘Sniff, sniff….Dad….I became a prostitute…’
‘Ye, what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You’re a disgrace to this Catholic family.’
‘OK, Dad– as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed
to a ten bedroom mansion plus a 75 million savings certificate. For me little brother,
this gold Rolex and for ye Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible
that’s parked outside plus a membership to the country club…………………… (takes a breath)
…………. and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board my new yacht
in the Riviera and…. …’
‘Now what was it ye said ye had become?’ says Dad.
Girl, crying again, ‘Sniff, sniff…..a prostitute Daddy! Sniff, sniff.’
‘Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant.
Come here and give yer old Dad a hug.’