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Best of George Carlin

  1. When cheese gets it’s picture taken, what does it say?George carlin 03 extra goofy
  2. When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
  3. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted?
  4. When someone is impatient and says, “I haven’t got all day,” I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?
  5. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
  6. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
  7. Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?
  8. What if there were no hypothetical questions?
  9. Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
  10. Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.

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