De la Bill Gates:
Regula nr. 1: Viaţa e nedreaptă – obişnuieşte-te cu ideea !
Regula nr. 2: Nu vei câştiga 60.000$ pe an de îndată ce părăseşti băncile şcolii. Nu vei fi vicepreşedintele vreunei companii cu telefon în maşină decât atunci când vei fi muncit pentru acestea.
Regula nr. 3: Dacă crezi că profesorul tău e sever, stai să vezi când o sa ai un şef !
Regula nr. 4: A lucra într-un fast-food nu este ceva sub demnitatea ta. Bunicii tăi aveau o altă denumire pentru asta: o numeau şansă.
Regula nr. 5: Dacă o dai în bară, nu e vina părinţilor tăi, aşa că nu te mai smiorcăi în legătură cu greşelile tale, ci învaţă din ele.
Regula nr. 6: Înainte de a te fi născut, părinţii tăi nu erau atât de plicticoşi ca acum. Au ajuns aşa din cauză că trebuie să-ţi plătească cheltuielile, să-ţi spele hainele şi să te asculte pe tine spunându-le cât de grozav te crezi. Aşa că înainte de a te porni să salvezi jungla de paraziţii generaţiei părinţilor tău, încearcă să-ţi despaduchezi propriul dulap.
Regula nr. 7: Poate că şcoala ta a scăpat de învingători şi învinşi, însă viaţa nu. În unele şcoli au abolit corigenţele şi elevul poate încerca de câte ori vrea el să dea răspunsul corect la o întrebare. Asta nu seamănă cu nimic din viaţa reală.
Regula nr. 8: Viaţa nu se împarte în semestre. Nu ai verile libere şi pe foarte puţini angajatori îi interesează să te ajute să “te găseşti”. Faci asta în timpul liber.
Regula nr. 9: Ce vezi la televizor nu e viaţa reală. În viaţa reală oamenii chiar trebuie să mai plece din cafenele şi să meargă la serviciu.
Regula nr. 10: Fiţi amabili cu tocilarii. Există şansa ca in viitor să lucraţi pentru vreunul dintre ei.
sursa Turambar: In case of pain, swallow.
1. Do not cheat on a girl. We girls talk, we WILL know, and we WILL find out, and we WILL dump you!
2. Be aware of all your girlfriends’ guy friends, brothers, fathers, or anything. They are protective. Every single male friend we have will kick your ass if you end up hurting her.
3. Never ever miss an opportunity to tell her that she’s beautiful. We girls love that.
4. If she slapped you hard, you probably deserved it.
5. Do not be afraid of holding her. If she’s going out with you in the first place, it’s obvious that she likes you and wants to be in your arms.
6. Every girl should eventually get three things from her boyfriend — a stuffed animal, one of his sweatshirts or hoodie’s, and a really pretty piece of jewelry.
7. Make sure she gets home safely as often as you can. If you’re dropping her off, walk her to the door. If you aren’t dropping her off, call to be sure she’s home safely. We think that’s really cute and sweet.
8. If a guy is bothering your girlfriend, it is your right to beat the sh!t out of him.
9. If you’re talking to a female friend of yours, pull your girlfriend closer. It’ll make her feel secure that you love her more than the other girl.
10. Never ever slap her, even if it’s just in a joking way. Even if she swats you first, and says, “Oh, you’re so dumb” or something, never make any gestures back.
11. Go along with her to a chick flick once in a while. She doesn’t care whether you enjoy it or not, it just matters that you went with her.
12. If you’re officially dating, and you’re introducing her to your friends, you’d better damn well introduce her as your girlfriend. Or else.
13. Girls are fragile. Even if you’re play fighting/wrestling, be very gentle. Let her win once in a while.
14. Memorize your girlfriend’s birthday. You forget her birthday and you’re basically screwed for life. Not gonna lie.
15. Don’t drench yourself in the cologne, but smell good.
16. You don’t have to spend a million dollars on the Birthday/Christmas/Valentine gift. It doesn’t have to be expensive, or cost anything but it has to be meaningful.
17. Don’t ever lie to us; we always find out.
18. Don’t say you understand when you don’t. That’s bad.
19. Remember: Girls are pretty, but yours is the Prettiest!
20. Saying something sweet might get you off the hook; but doing something sweet will always get you off the hook.
21. Size does matter, but only to hoes; not girls that want relationships.
22. No matter what you say, your ex-girlfriend is a hoe. Don’t bother trying to convince us otherwise, that is a bad idea
23. It’s good to be sensitive, to a point.
24. If you did something wrong, apologize. Even if you didn’t, do it anyway.
Restul: 102 lucruri pe care baietii ar trebui sa le stie despre fete.
The Tiger Oil Memos
From the offices of the now-defunct but at one time Houston-based Tiger Oil Company come a total of 22 enormously entertaining memos; all sent by, or on behalf of, the firm’s incredibly amusing, painfully tactless, and seemingly constantly angry CEO – Edward ‘Tiger Mike’ Davis – to his staff. Little is known about the man himself (some background can be gleaned here) and in 1980 his company filed for bankruptcy, however some years ago his inter-office communications thankfully appeared online for all to see.
• “On days when you have to work, and you think you should be off, you wear slouchy dress attire. That will not occur in the future. You will wear proper dress attire to work always. Also, all employees should have the proper attitude to coincide with proper dress, especially on those days when you’re working and think you should be off.”
• “Idle conversation and gossip in this office among employees will result in immediate termination. Don’t talk about other people and other things in this office. DO YOUR JOB AND KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT!”
• “Do not speak to me when you see me. If I want to speak to you, I will do so. I want to save my throat. I don’t want to ruin it by saying hello to all of you sons-of-bitches.”
• “Per Edward Mike Davis’ orders, there will be no more birthday celebrations, birthday cakes, levity, or celebrations of any kind within the office.”
Letters of Note: The Tiger Oil Memos.
De aici
1. Nu uita ca berea contine hormoni feminini. Dupa ce bei, iei in greutate, incepi sa vorbesti prea mult si nu mai poti sa conduci.
2. E mai important sa ai o asigurare buna de sanatate decat o sanatate buna.
3. Niciodata sa nu privesti o femeie in ochi. Asta o face sa se simta egala cu tine.
4. Un barbat nu trebuie niciodata sa-si lase un prieten sa bea singur.
5. Cand aduci vorba de penisul tau, intotdeauna pune cel putin trei centimetri in plus.
6. Daca o femeie vine din bucatarie spre tine tipand, atunci scurteaza-i lantul.
7. Sa nu stai niciodata sub aceeasi umbrela cu un alt barbat.
8. Daca un amic de-al tau canta in masina, nu te alatura lui. E prea gay.
9. Spala un lucru numai daca miroase foarte urat.
10. Sub nicio forma sa nu mananci pizza cu furculita si cutitul….
11. Daca ea iti face reprosuri despre colacul toaletei, e cazul sa folosesti chiuveta.
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