Cine se trezeşte de dimineaţă râde mai bine

Archives › telefon

Probleme frecvente in tarile civilizate

Smartphones

My smartphone changes “lol” to “LOL” making me sound more amused than I actually am.
I forgot to bring my phone with me when I went to poop and I was bored the entire time.
My phone auto-corrected “porn” to “poem” and now my girlfriend’s expectations for this evening are totally wrong.
Someone left me a voicemail, and now I have to call my voicemail to get rid of the icon.
I’m trying to text while at a red light, but I keep making all the greens.

Computers

I was filling in a form online and they didn’t put “United States” at the top of the country drop-down.
Sometimes a .gif doesn’t download very fast and I have to look away until it is finished so i don’t spoil it.
Google street view hasnt been back past my house since I finished my new landscaping
Something just beeped, and I have no idea what.
My ISP dosn’t recognize my small town, so all the hot local girls from the ads who want to date me are in an adjacent town.

My laptop is low on battery, but the charger is over there.
My WiFi doesn’t reach around my house because it’s too big.
The wireless internet I am stealing isn’t very fast.
My iPod died while I was at the gym, so I had to exercise without music
“No YouPorn, I don’t want to play poker – I’m at work”
All my passwords are on autocomplete, so I don’t know what they are anymore.
I accidentally touched my mouse while watching a movie. Now I have to wait a few seconds for the interface to go away.
I don’t play video games or watch TV because I have to study, and I don’t study because I don’t feel like it, so I end up doing nothing
I want to read in the bathtub but I’m afraid my kindle would electrocute me.

In house

When I put my spoon into my empty pudding cup, it tips over.
My hand is too fat to shove into the Pringles container so I am forced to tilt it.
There was no more Kleenex in the bathroom at work so I had to blow my nose with paper towels like a savage.
Whenever I open a box of frozen food, I throw away the box…and then have to retrieve it a minute later from the garbage to see how long it cooks.
I can’t hear the TV while I’m eating crunchy snacks
The 3rd setting on my car’s air conditioner is too weak, and the 4th is too strong.
My hot water ran out 45 minutes into my shower.
I had too much food for lunch and now I’m tired
I’m kind of hungry, but my roommate has guests over, so if I go into the kitchen I’m going to have to introduce myself.

Existential

I sometimes worry that I won’t live long enough to ride a cloned dinosaur.
I didn’t have a shitty childhood, so I can’t turn my pain into art.
I have to find my own girlfriend because my culture doesn’t practice arranged marriages.
McDonald’s only gave me 3 BBQ sauces for my 20 piece chicken nuggets so now I have to ration them.

32 de probleme ce apar frecvent in tarile din lumea civilizata.

Telverde cu psihiatrul

Robotul răspunde:
– Dacă sunteţi obsesiv, apăsaţi 2 în mod repetat …
– Dacă aveţi mai multe personalităţi apăsaţi 3,4,5,6.
– Dacă suferiţi de paranoia, ştim cine sunteţi şi ce vreţi, aşteptaţi până aflăm de unde sunaţi.
– Dacă auziţi voci, ascultaţi cu atenţie şi una vă va spune ce trebuie să apasaţi.
– Dacă aveţi halucinaţii, atunci aveţi grijă că ceea ce ţineţi la ureche este viu şi o să vă muşte!