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Casnice

1. De doua ori pe saptamana mergem intr-un restaurant dragut -companie placuta, mancare buna, bem vin…Ea merge marti si joi, eu miercuri si vineri.

2. Dormim in paturi separate, eu la Bucuresti, ea la Cluj.

3. O duc peste tot, dar ea reuseste mereu sa gaseasca drumul inapoi.

4. Am intrebat-o unde vrea sa mearga pentru aniversarea casatoriei si mi-a raspuns: “Intr-un loc unde nu am mai fost demult”. I-am sugerat bucataria.

5. Ne tinem de mana mereu. Daca nu o fac, incepe sa cheltuiasca.

6. Are un robot de bucatarie electric, un storcator electric, un prajitor electric si zice ca sunt prea multe in casa, nu are loc de ele unde sa stea. Asa ca i-as cumpara un scaun electric.

7. Mi-a spus ca masina nu merge, ca are apa in carburator. Am intrebat unde e masina si mi-a raspuns: “In lac”.

8. Si-a facut o masca de argila. Pentru doua zile a fost frumoasa foc. Apoi s-a spalat .

9. A fugit dupa camionul de gunoi, urland: “Sunt in intirziere pt. gunoi?” Soferul i-a raspuns: “Nu, salta inauntru!”

10. Aminteste-ti mereu : “Casatoria e prima cauza a divortului.”

11. Nu i-am vorbit sotiei timp de 11 luni. Nu indrazneam sa o intrerup.

12. Ultima cearta a fost din cauza mea. A intrebat “Ce e pe televizor?”, iar eu i-am raspuns: “Praf”.

13. La inceput, Dumnezeu a creat pamantul si s-a odihnit. Apoi a creat barbatul si s-a odihnit. Apoi a creat femeia. Si nici omul, nici Dumnezeu nu s-au mai odihnit niciodata.

De aici.

După beţie…

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after the night at a business function. He forces himself to open his eyes and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Jack looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.

He takes the aspirins and cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror and notices a note on the table:”Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping – Love you!”

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table. Jack asks, “Son, what happened last night?”

“Well, you came home after 3 am, drunk out of your mind. You broke the coffee table, puked in the hallway and got that black eye when you ran into the door.”

“So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean, I have a rose and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?”

His son replies, “Oh, THAT! Mom dragged you to the bedroom and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, «Leave me alone, bitch, I’m married!»“.

10 semne că eşti dependent de Firefox

1. You sit right next to a window but you still just look at your ForecastFox icon to see what it’s like outside.
2. You fumble with the TV remote for a minute before remembering that you can’t open another channel in a new tab.
3. Everybody else says “Google it” now, but in addition you can also Yahoo it, Wiki it, and eBay it.
5. You have to think hard to remember what a pop-up or a banner ad looks like.
7. Your distaste for Internet Explorer has branched into an irrational phobia of the letter ‘e’.
9. A web page without CSS looks naked to you.

De aici.