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Australian Kiss

1. Virginity can be cured.
2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.
4. Impotence: Nature’s way of saying ‘No hard feelings…’
5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men – ‘don’t’ and ‘stop’, unless they are used together.
6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth but next to the best thing on earth.
7. There are three stages of sex in a man’s life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly and Try Weakly.
8. Virginity is not dignity; its lack of opportunity.
9. Having sex is like playing bridge; if you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.
10. I tried phone sex once but the holes in the dialer were too small.
11. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.
12. When I was born, I was given a choice – A big dick or a good memory. I don’t remember what I chose.
13. Q: What’s an Australian kiss?
A: The same thing as a French kiss only down under.

14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing……
15. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man’s life?
A: Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn’t.
16. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don’t have eyes.
17. Despite the old saying, ‘Don’t take your troubles to bed’, many men still sleep with their wives!

Pentru cei care lucrează cu clienţi dificili

An award should go to the Virgin Airlines desk attendant in Sydney some months ago for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo. A crowded Virgin flight was cancelled after Virgin’s 767s had been withdrawn from service. A single attendant was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travellers… Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk.
He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, ‘I HAVE to be on this flight and it HAS to be FIRST CLASS‘…
The attendant replied, ‘I’m sorry, sir. I’ll be happy to try to help you, but I’ve got to help these people first, and I’m sure we’ll be able to work something out.
The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, ‘DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?

Without hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her public address microphone:

May I have your attention please, may I have your attention please,‘ she began – her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal – ‘we have a passenger here at Desk 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Desk 14.

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically,the man glared at the Virgin attendant, gritted his teeth and said, ‘Fuck You!

Without flinching, she smiled and said, ‘I’m sorry, sir, but you’ll have to get in line for that too.