Cine se trezeşte de dimineaţă râde mai bine

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Durerile naşterii

O femeie se duce la spital sa nasca insotita de sotul ei. Doctorul le spune ca a
fost inventata o masina care poate transfera durerile nasterii de la mama la tata
si ii intreaba daca vor sa incerce. Cei doi sunt de acord.

Doctorul seteaza masina la un transfer de durere de 10% – sotul se simtea excelent
si ii spune doctorului sa mai urce un nivel.

Doctorul seteaza la 20% dar tatal se simtea la fel de bine. Doctorul ii controleaza
tensiunea si seteaza masina la 50%.

Sotul se simtea bine in continuare si ii spune doctorului sa seteze nivelul la 100%.
Doctorul se conformeaza si femeia in final da nastere unui copil practic fara sa
simta nici o durere. Sotii erau in culmea fericirii.

Cand au ajuns acasa postasul zacea mort pe treptele casei…

Regulile bărbaţilor

Versiunea în engleză. Versiunea în română, aici

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down.
Finally, the guys’ side of the story. We always hear “the rules” from
the female side…. Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered “1” on purpose!

1. Men are NOT mind readers. (FIRST & FOREMOST RULE)

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports, It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s
what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In
fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways
makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it
done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it , just do it
yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during
commercials…

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” We will act like
nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
hassle..

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, Expect an answer
you don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
fine… Really.

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to
discuss such topics as Football or Hockey.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight. But did you know men
really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.

via sursa foto

Ştiu ce fac?

Doi infractori patrund noaptea in dormitorul calugaritelor de la un schit. Din intuneric
se aude vocea uneia dintre ele:
– Iarta-i, Doamne, ca nu stiu ce fac!
– Taci din gura, zice cea de langa ea, al meu stie!