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Regulile bărbaţilor

Versiunea în engleză. Versiunea în română, aici

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down.
Finally, the guys’ side of the story. We always hear “the rules” from
the female side…. Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered “1” on purpose!

1. Men are NOT mind readers. (FIRST & FOREMOST RULE)

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports, It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s
what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In
fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways
makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it
done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it , just do it
yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during
commercials…

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” We will act like
nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
hassle..

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, Expect an answer
you don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
fine… Really.

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to
discuss such topics as Football or Hockey.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight. But did you know men
really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.

via sursa foto

Regulile bărbaţilor

O durere de cap care dureaza de 17 luni este o problema. Mergi la doctor.

A cumpara NU este un sport. Si nu voi gandi altfel niciodata.

‘Da’ si ‘Nu’ sunt raspunsuri perfect acceptabile la aproape orice intrebare.

Ai indeajuns de multe haine. Ai prea multi pantofi.

Daca te gandesti ca esti grasa, probabil asa este. Nu ma mai intreba!

A plange este santaj.

Toti barbatii vad doar in 16 culori, asa cum sunt setarile initiale Windows.
Piersica, de exemplu, este un fruct, nu o culoare. Dovleacul este de asemenea
un fruct. Habar nu am ce inseamna mauve sau tourquise.

Daca ma mananca, ma voi scarpina. Voi face asa intotdeauna.

Daca intreb ce este in neregula si raspunzi “nimic“, voi actiona ca si cand
nimic nu este in neregula. Stiu ca minti, dar nu merita sa ne ciorovaim.

Sanii sunt facuti sa te uiti la ei, ceea ce si fac. Nu incerca sa schimbi asta!

Invata sa folosesti scaunul de la toaleta. Esti deja fata mare. Daca este ridicat,
coboara-l. Noua ne trebuie ridicat, voua coborat. Nu cred ca m-ai auzit
plangandu-ma ca l-ai lasat coborat.

Sambata = sporturi. Este ca luna plina sau fluxul si refluxul. Asa trebuie sa ramana.

Cere doar ce doresti. Sa fim bine intelesi:
Aluziile subtile nu functioneaza!
Aluziile puternice nu functioneaza!
Aluziile directe nu functioneaza!
SPUNE-MI SI GATA!

Vino cu o problema doar daca doresti ajutor pentru rezolvare. Asta-i ceea
ce pot face. Simpatia este menirea prietenelor tale.

Orice am spus cu 6 luni in urma nu este acceptat intr-o cearta.
De fapt, toate comentariile devin nule si neavenite dupa 7 zile.

Daca ceva ce am spus poate fi interpretat in 2 moduri, din care unul s-ar
putea sa te supere sau sa te enerveze, considera ca am gandit in celalalt mod.

Poti fie sa ma rogi sa fac ceva, fie sa spui cum vrei sa fie facut. Nu ambele !
Daca deja stii cum trebuie facut mai bine, fa-l !

Cand se poate, te rog sa-mi spui orice ai de spus in timpul pauzelor publicitare.

Christofor Columb nu a avut nevoie de indicatii, dar nici eu.

Daca pui o intrebare la care nu doresti un raspuns, astepta-te la un raspuns
pe care nu ai fi dorit sa-l auzi.

Cand trebuie sa mergem undeva, absolut orice porti iti vine bine, pe bune.

Nu ma intreba ce parere am despre anumite lucruri decat daca esti pregatita
sa discutam despre subiecte ca: Sex, Sport sau Masini.