Cine se trezeşte de dimineaţă râde mai bine

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Secrete de familie

Un tip bine intalneste o tipa, la fel de buna, si vrea sa o ia de nevasta pe loc, orbit de frumusetea ei.
“Dar nu stim minic unul despre celalalt”, spune ea
“Dar nu-i nimic, aflam pe parcurs, ne descoperim incetul cu incetul”, o linisteste el.
Asa ca ea a acceptat, s-au casatorit, si au plecat in luna de miere intr-o superba statiune in Hawaii.
Intr-o dimineata, pe cand erau la plaja pe marginea piscinei, el se ridica de pe sezlong, se catara la
trambulina de 10 metri si executa o saritura surub cu 2 intoarceri la 90 de grade si o
rotatie completa, apoi o intrare perfecta in apa la aterizare.
Dupa inca vreo cateva demonstratii, se intoarce inapoi pe sezlong ca si cum nimic nu s-ar fi intamplat.
“Ai fost incredibil, iubitule !”, il intampina ea, inca surprinsa de reperezentatie.
“Am fost campion olimpic la sarituri. Vezi, ti-am spus ca ne vom cunoaste incetul cu incetul.”
Ea se ridica de pe sezlong, intra in piscina si incepe sa inoate. Dupa 50 de lungimi de bazin,
fara pauza, se intoarce inapoi pe sezlong, nearatand niciun fel de oboseala.
“Wow, incredibil, te pomenesti ca si tu ai fost campioana la vreo proba de rezistenta la inot !”
“Nu”, spune ea, “am fost curva in Memphis, dar lucram pe ambele maluri ale fluviului Mississippi!”

Calculator

Abbott: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
Costello: Thanks. I’m setting up an office in my den and I’m thinking about buying a computer.
Abbott: Mac?
Costello: No, the name’s Lou.
Abbott: Your computer?
Costello: I don’t own a computer. I want to buy one.
Abbott: Mac?
Costello: I told you, my name’s Lou.
Abbott: What about Windows?
Costello: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
Abbott: Do you want a computer with Windows?
Costello: I don’t know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
Abbott: Wallpaper.
Costello: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
Abbott: Software for Windows?
Costello: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?
Abbott: Office.
Costello: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
Abbott: I just did.
Costello: You just did what?
Abbott: Recommend something.
Costello: You recommended something?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: For my office?
Abbott: Yes
Costello: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
Abbott: Office.
Costello: Yes, for my office!
Abbott: I recommend Office with Window’s.
Costello: I already have an office with windows! OK, let’s just say I’m sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
Abbott: Word.
Costello: What word?
Abbott: Word in Office.
Costello: The only word in office is office.
Abbott: The Word in Office for Windows.
Costello: Which word in office for windows?
Abbott: The Word you get when you click the blue ‘W’.
Costello: I’m going to click your blue ‘W’ if you don’t start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?
Abbott: Money.
Costello: That’s right. What do you have?
Abbott: Money.
Costello: I need money to track my money?
Abbott: It comes bundled with your computer.
Costello: What’s bundled with my computer?
Abbott: Money.
Costello: Money comes with my computer?
Abbott: Yes. No extra charge.
Costello: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
Abbott: One copy.
Costello: Isn’t it illegal to copy money?
Abbott: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
Costello: They can give you a license to copy money?
Abbott: Why not? THEY OWN IT!