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Sfaturi bisericeşti pentru tânăra mireasă

Nişte sfaturi bisericeşti scrise, bineînţeles, de o femeie 🙂

Din Codurile si Procedurile despre Relatii Intime si Personale ale
Statutului Marital intru Marea Sanctitate Spirituala a acestei
Binecuvantate Comuniuni si intru Gloria lui Dumnezeu ,

de Ruth Smythers, mult iubita sotie a Reverendului L.D. Smythers, Pastor
al Bisericii Metodiste din Arcadia, Confederatia Regionala de Est

Publicata in anul Domnului 1894, Ziarul Ghid de Spiritualitate

Pentru gingasa tanara femeie care a beneficiat de o buna educatie in Legile Domnului, ziua nuntii este, in mod ironic, atat cea mai fericita cat si cea mai terifianta zi din viata ei. Pe de o parte este nunta in sine, in care mireasa este atractia centrala intr-o frumoasa
si inspirata ceremonie, simbolizand triumful ei in a-si asigura un barbat care sa ii ndeplineasca toate nevoile pentru tot restul vietii.
Pe de alta parte este noaptea nuntii, in cursul careia mireasa trebuie sa platesca tributul, ca sa spunem asa, infruntand pentru prima oara teribila experienta a sexului. In acest punct, dragi cititoare, lasati-ma sa exprim un adevar socant. Exista cateva tinere femei care asteapta noaptea nuntii cu placere si curiozitate! Feriti-va de o asemenea atitudine!
Un sot egoist si senzual ar putea usor sa profite de o astfel de mireasa. Trebuie sa nu uitati niciodata une dintre cele mai importante reguli ale Bisericii in ceea ce priveste Casatoria: DARUIESTE PUTIN, DARUIESTE RAR, SI MAI PRESUS DE ORICE, DARUIESTE CU ZGARCENIE. Altfel, ceea ce ar fi o casatorie normala s-ar transforma intr-o orgie a destrabalarii sexuale.

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Ciudățenii de pe glob

In Lebanon , men are legally allowed to have sex with animals,
but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is
punishable by death.
(Like THAT makes sense.)

In Bahrain , a male doctor may legally examine a woman’s genitals, but is prohibited
from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their
reflection in a mirror.
(Do they look different reversed?)

Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers.
The sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.
(A brick?)

The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.
(Much worse than ‘going blind!’)

There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside
and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time
Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.
(Let’s just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere else in the world that even
comes close to this?)

In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous
husband, but may only do so with her bare hands.
The husband’s illicit lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.
(Ah! Justice!)

Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England
– but only in tropical fish stores.
(But of course!)

In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband,
and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act.
(Makes one shudder at the thought.)

In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a
woman and her daughter at the same time.
(I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?)

In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines
with one exception: Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only
‘in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises.’
(Is this a great country or what?)
Well, not as great as Guam !)

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De ce bărbaţii mor mai repede decât femeile

Raspunsul scurt: pentru că işi doresc 😛
Raspunsul lung:

Daca o pocnesti, se cheama maltratarea sotiei. Daca te pocneste ea, e autoaparare.
Daca iei o decizie fara sa o intrebi, esti nesimtit. Daca ea ia o decizie fara sa te consulte, e femeie emancipata.
Daca-i ceri sa faca ceva ce nu-i place, e dominare masculina. Daca te roaga ea, iti face o favoare.
Daca apreciezi formele unei femei si lenjeria sumara esti pervers. Daca nu, esti homo.
Daca-i oferi flori, urmaresti ceva. Daca nu, esti fraier.
Daca esti mandru de realizarile tale esti plin de tine. Daca nu, esti lipsit de ambitie.
Daca o doare capul, e obosita. Daca te doare pe tine, n-o mai iubesti.
Daca vrei sa faci dragoste prea des, esti obsedat. Daca nu, ai pe altcineva.

Sursa foto