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Teroristul în avion

Un terorist ameninta personalul unui avion cu pistolul:
Teroristul: “Vă-mpuşc dacă nu duceţi avionul la Teheran.”
Personalul: “Stai calm, nu mergem deloc la Teheran.”
Teroristul: “Vă împuşc, voi n-auziţi?”
Personalul: “Tu nu înţelegi că acest avion nu are cum să meargă la Teheran?”
Teroristul: “Am un pistol, ce nu e clar? Şi acest avion va merge la Teheran!”
Personalul: “Stai dom’le calm, în faţă este un domn cu o bombă care vrea să mergem la Beirut…”

Nivelul ameninţării teroriste în câteva state

Stirea pe bune: Marea Britanie ridica nivelul de alerta terorista la treapta ‘grav’ – un atentat este foarte probabil

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist
threats and have raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.”
Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or
even “A Bit Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the
blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been
re-categorized from “Tiresome” to a “Bloody Nuisance.” The last time
the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was during the
great fire of 1666.

The Scots raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let’s get the
” They don’t have any other levels. This is the reason they
have been used on the frontline in the British army for the last 300

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror
alert level from “Run” to “Hide“. The only two higher levels in France
are “Collaborate” and “Surrender“. The rise was precipitated by a
recent fire that destroyed France’s white flag factory, effectively
paralysing the country’s military capability. It’s not only the French
who are on a heightened level of alert.

Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout loudly and excitedly
to “Elaborate Military Posturing“. Two more levels remain: “Ineffective
Combat Operations
” and “Change Sides“.

The Germans also increased their alert state from “Disdainful
” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs“. They also
have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and “Lose“.

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only
threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to
deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new
Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes, on all of
their allies, just in case.


New Zealand has also raised its security levels – from “baaa” to
BAAAA!”. Due to continuing defense cutbacks (the airforce being a
squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some
toy boats in the Prime Minister’s bath), New Zealand only has one more
level of escalation, which is “Shit, I hope Australia will come and
rescue us
“. In the event of invasion, New Zealanders will be asked to
gather together in a strategic defensive position called “Bondi”.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from “No Worries
to “She’ll be right, mate“. Three more escalation levels remain,
Crikey!‘, “I think we’ll need to cancel the barbie this weekend” and
The Barbie is cancelled“. So far no situation has ever warranted use
of the final escalation level.

via humor

Jingle Bombs

De sezon.

Dashing through the sand
with a bomb strapped to my back.
I have a nasty plan
for Christmas in Iraq.
I got through checkpoint A,
but not through checkpoint B.
That’s when I got shot in the ass
by the US Military…

[it’s not funny!]

Oooh, jingle bombs, jingle bombs
Mine blew up you see.
Where are all the virgins
that Bin Laden promised me?
Oooh, jingle bombs, jingle bombs
U.S. soldiers shot me dead.
The only thing that I have left
is this towel up on my head.

I used to be a man,
but every time I cough,
thanks to Uncle Sam,
my nuts keep falling off.
My bombing days are done.
I need to find some work.
Perhaps it would be much safer
as a convenient store night clerk.

Oooh, jingle bombs, jingle bombs
I think I got screwed.
Don’t laugh at me because I’m dead
or I’ll kill you…


Jeff Dunham – Jingle Bombs (Achmed)
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