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Ce să NU îi iei iubitei tale de Crăciun

1.Niciodata nu-i oferi unei femei, de Craciun, orice fel de aparat electrocasnic sau
orice i-ar face treaba prin casa mai usoara. De exemplu, un mixer, un prajitor de
paine, un nou aspirator, unul din acele mop-uri carora le face reclama la tv, care
fac orice numai ca nu absorb si viata din tine.
[…]
2.Orice produs de curatare la pachet mare, “draga, ti-am luat acea cutie mare de
Tide pe care o doreai.” “Acest Rex ar trebui sa tina o vreme.” “Am obtinut o reducere
la acest dispozitiv industrial de curatat wc-ul.”
[…]
4.Nu cumpara cadouri de Craciun pentru tine pentru ca apoi sa pretinzi ca sunt
pentru ea. “Draga, sunt sigur ca vei gasi de folos acest nou burghiu pe care ti l-am
cumparat.”
[…]
6.Un parfum oarecare care te costa 50.000-100.000, cum ar fi Eu de Toilet, care
chiar miroase a toaleta, tarfa ieftina sau sosetele tale murdare. Daca ai de gand
sa-i cumperi parfum, indreapta-te spre marci cunoscute.

7.Orice fel de bijuterie cu zirconiu, pe care o vezi la teleshopping. Va fi foarte
rusinata cand se va lauda prietenelor ei cu acest frumos diamant si va incerca
sa taie sticla cu el.
[…]

Întreaga listă aici.

Amanta

– Cine e blonda?
– Amanta mea!
– Pai si cum, mi-o zici asa in fata? Maine divortez.
– Divortezi.. dar adio plimbari la Paris, adio garderoba, adio bani cu gramada…
Femeia nu mai zise nimic. Dupa 10 min intra in restaurant un prieten de familie
al celor doi soti, insotit si el de o blonda.
– De cine e insotit Ion? il intreaba sotia nedumerita.

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Lecţii de viaţă

Lesson 4
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him, ”Can I also sit
like you and do nothing all day long?” The crow answered: “Sure, why not.” So, the
rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.

Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull “I would love to be able to get to the top of that
tree,” sighed the turkey, but I haven’t got the energy.” “Well, why don’t you nibble
on my droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with nutrients.” The turkey pecked
at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest
branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the
second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top
of the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it wont keep you there.

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Momente de criză

Boss, to 4 of his employees: “I’m really sorry, but I’m going to have to let one of you go.”
Black Employee: “I’m a protected minority.”
Female Employee: “And I’m a woman.”
Oldest Employee: “Fire me, buster, and I’ll hit you with an age discrimination suit so fast it’ll
make your head spin.”
…To which they all turn to look at the helpless young, white, male employee, who thinks a
moment, then responds: “I think I might be gay…”