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Cum să te încălzeşti la birou

Ordinea meteorologică firească a lucrurilor, în România, urmăreşte de obicei un făgaş simplu şi previzibil: şase luni ne topim de cald, şase luni dîrdîim de frig. Similar, intensitatea zgîrceniei şefilor din această ţară vine în două variante: şase luni avem „închideţi dracului aerul condiţionat”, iar celelalte şase luni avem „lăsaţi dracului caloriferele închise”. În consecinţă, mai mereu ne zbatem între una caldă şi una rece.

Fără să vreau să vă strivesc Ebola de lumini a lumii, ţin să vă anunţ că tocmai am trecut din alea şase luni în ălelalte şase luni. Privind pe fereastra, ia ghiciţi care sînt alea şase luni în care tocmai am intrat.

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Notele lui Edward Mike Davis

The Tiger Oil Memos

From the offices of the now-defunct but at one time Houston-based Tiger Oil Company come a total of 22 enormously entertaining memos; all sent by, or on behalf of, the firm’s incredibly amusing, painfully tactless, and seemingly constantly angry CEO – Edward ‘Tiger Mike’ Davis – to his staff. Little is known about the man himself (some background can be gleaned here) and in 1980 his company filed for bankruptcy, however some years ago his inter-office communications thankfully appeared online for all to see.

• “On days when you have to work, and you think you should be off, you wear slouchy dress attire. That will not occur in the future. You will wear proper dress attire to work always. Also, all employees should have the proper attitude to coincide with proper dress, especially on those days when you’re working and think you should be off.”
• “Idle conversation and gossip in this office among employees will result in immediate termination. Don’t talk about other people and other things in this office. DO YOUR JOB AND KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT!”
• “Do not speak to me when you see me. If I want to speak to you, I will do so. I want to save my throat. I don’t want to ruin it by saying hello to all of you sons-of-bitches.”
• “Per Edward Mike Davis’ orders, there will be no more birthday celebrations, birthday cakes, levity, or celebrations of any kind within the office.”

Letters of Note: The Tiger Oil Memos.